yeeitsanna:

i reblog this every single time

(Source: santaprisca)

jolivet:

simon-the-jewish-vampire:

snarkreactors:

I had my hands full but I needed to turn on my light

so I just used my mouth and flicked the switch up with my tongue

and then I realized

image

uh

oh

WHY DOESN’T THIS HAVE MORE NOTES?! THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!!

THIS IS THE BEST

i cybered on omegle today
  • You: hi
  • Stranger: hey
  • You: wanna cyber
  • Stranger: Depends are you a girl? ;)
  • You: ya
  • Stranger: And okay then, you start?
  • You: i come into ur bedroom
  • You: and ur sleeping
  • You: and i crawl under your blanket
  • Stranger: I'm still asleep
  • You: u feel me pulling down ur pants
  • You: and u wake up and smile
  • Stranger: I kiss you gently, still sleepy
  • You: then i smile and open the scissors around your dick and snap them closed
  • You: cutting off your penis
  • Stranger: wait
  • You: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME
  • Stranger: Then what...?
  • You: I HATE YOU
  • Stranger: I didn't cheat
  • You: you bleed to death in your bed
  • Stranger: i didn't cheat on you. lets restart ok
  • You: nobody ever knows what happened
  • You: i flee to mexico with your Mercedes
  • You: the end
  • Stranger: I have a mercedes?
  • You: not anymore faggot
  • Your conversation partner has disconnected.

i wanna jump off a building and not die just relieve stress by slamming onto the sidewalk and then get up and go get a slurpee or something

(Source: h0odrich)

gigglingbean:

If I drink alcohol I am an alcoholic. If I drink Fanta, am I fantastic? 

#1 Rule during arguments: If you’re losing, start correcting their grammar.

laugh-addict:

image

(Source: most-awkward-moments)

I used to think I was tough, but then I realized I wasn’t. I was fragile and I wore thick fucking armor. And I hurt people so they couldn’t hurt me. And I thought that was what being tough was, but it isn’t.
James Frey (via iminlikewithsam)

(Source: mortemsomnia)